Batman v. Superman – The Good, The Bad, and What the Ever-Loving F^%K???

Time for a confession. I’m one of those that actually enjoyed Man of Steel. I thought that the scale was appropriately large. The effects were great, and I thought that Henry Cavill nailed the part of a Clark Kent struggling to find his place in the world until he discovers his background. That’s not to say that the movie didn’t have its issues – Zod’s motivations were a little murky, and I’m sorry, but there’s no way Clark lets Jonathan Kent go like that. Finally, I frankly thought the big decision the end – you know, the one the internet screamed “That’s not Superman!!!!” – I thought it worked, made sense, and was entirely consistent with a Superman who had yet to truly become “super.” All in all, I enjoyed it greatly.

Following up on that, especially considering that Superman was my favorite comic book character growing up, I was excited for the movie, but I was more than a little trepidatious about the plan. How did it make sense for the movie to introduce an older, tired Batman based on Frank Miller’s “The Dark Knight Returns” in a universe where they didn’t establish that Batman previously existed? Would Affleck pull it off? Would they make it enjoyable?

If you are reading this article, you are familiar with the internet. As it’s been two weeks since the movie was released, you are similarly familiar with the fact that the internet is shitting all over this movie. Honestly, it’s not all deserved (though it comes close). So, with that in mind, it’s time to hit the good, the bad, and the, uh, everything else about this movie.

The Good

Let’s start with the absolute best thing about this movie – Affleck nailed Batman (even if the writing let him down). Like Christopher Reeve did in 1978, he gave us a Batman that people could distinguish from Bruce Wayne. The digital voice enhancer and the size of the suit contrast as a polar opposite from the Bruce Wayne who is connected with the world in a real way. The end result is a Batman with some real dimension, as opposed to Christian Bale, who gave us a hero who was singularly focused as Batman, and whose “mask” was Bruce Wayne. Affleck made it seem like both were real sides of a persona, rather than either one being a way to hide the other.

Henry Cavill, again nailed Superman, even if his Clark Kent was lacking a bit. He comes across in this film, again, as an earnest hero doing his job, rather than a conflicted man balancing his power and responsibility. Some people will likely disagree, but I didn’t get the sense that he ever wavered on whether to be Superman.

Amy Adams was delightful as Lois Lane. Another fully-fleshed character. Strong, yet grounded. Not a damsel in distress, reliant on Superman as prior characterizations would make her. She was great.

The visual effects (when you could see them) were amazing. The grand effects were awesome, but even the smaller-scale effects were fantastic. In particular, the scene where the police were hunting Batman in the basement was filled with suspense and consequences.

The Bad

I said some nice stuff up there. So, now for the rest.

The first bad thing about this movie is a cardinal sin others have mentioned – it just wasn’t fun. It was an interesting overall story, but really, finally seeing Batman and Superman clash on the big screen should have been more enjoyable. And looking back, I really can’t think of anything in this movie I would really say was “enjoyable,” and that’s even after I admitted I liked it.

The cinematography was just not good. Even though I know there were scenes shot in daylight, my recollection is that it was just a dark, dark movie shot entirely at night.

The “introductions” of Aquaman, Cyborg, and the Flash felt forced and cluttered in the story. I also thought these were somewhat distracting, the Flash especially. Rather than getting me excited for the fuller reveal, I found them disappointing. Not to repeat the mantra that DC/WB should be more like Marvel, they could have followed Marvel’s lead in giving the characters an introduction in their own standalone movie before crossing over and building the universe.

Tied into the Flash, I lost count of how many dream sequences this movie had. At one point, I audibly groaned in the theater at yet another dream sequence. Like an opening narration in other movies, I think a dream sequence is a crutch that should be avoided unless it really advances the story. This one, I don’t think the dream sequences did anything except add to the runtime.

Next, while Affleck nailed Batman, I think this movie kind of forgot that Batman doesn’t kill people. This is just a “bad” instead of a “holy shit this is just terrible” because I get that Frank Miller teed that up in the source material for this Batman. But, since we didn’t see the younger Batman who had his refusal to kill, it just made Batman seem less a hero and more a psychopath. That is, we weren’t shown that this was an evolution of the character who reached a breaking point in coming out of retirement. We just think Batman murders people indiscriminately with his Batmobile’s machine guns. Bad form, movie.

Finally, the bad is that this movie, with its conclusion and the fallout really seemed to rush the universe. I don’t know how to say this without the obvious SPOILERS, so I’ll skip a few lines.

Hope you’re enjoying the blank space here.

Anyway, the whole “Death of Superman” thing here was unearned. The whole movie established the premise that the world did not trust Superman really. In fact, it was pretty clear that the world was afraid of Superman. Then he dies after fighting Doomsday, and the film steals the image from the Death of Superman/Funeral for a Friend storyline from the ’90s, showing the enormous funeral for Superman, with the general public mourning and erecting the massive statue to him. In the comics, that was earned. The Superman in the comics had approximately eight years of heroic behavior (following the post-Crisis on Infinite Earths / John Byrne “Man of Steel” reboot) in which to build up the trust, love, and support of humanity. This movie didn’t set that up, and the world’s reaction to the death of Superman was utterly inconsistent with the rest of the movie.

The Ugly

First and foremost, let’s go to the most WTF thing in the movie – Jesse Eisenberg’s Lex Luthor. This was a character with entirely unexplained eccentricity. A Kermit-the-Frog voice combined with the delivery of an ADHD kid going through Ritalin withdrawal. That could be excused, but the story doesn’t give him the slightest hint of motivation. I still don’t know why he blew up Congress or created Doomsday, or why he really wanted Batman to fight Superman. Luthor isn’t supposed to be the Joker – he isn’t a nihilistic destructor who wants to tear it all down. Luthor is supposed to be a genius who seeks power for his own ends. A titan who can’t stand that this new alien being has supplanted him as the master of all he surveys. This film completely failed to appreciate that character, and so it failed.

Finally, let’s talk about the elephant in the room. Batman gets it into his head that Superman is a mad god who will destroy the earth. They fight. Batman has the fight mapped out seven steps ahead of Superman, and has it teed up to defeat and kill the Man of Steel. Suddenly, he stops. Why, you ask? A change of heart? An awakening? A blow to the head that knocks him out or makes him see reason? Nope. No, it’s a much more basic thing than that. One word – Martha.

Fucking Martha. Batman stops from killing Superman because Superman says the word “Martha,” which so happens to be the shared name of each of their mothers. Holy shit. Thank the heavens that Batman’s mother wasn’t Delores, or Superman would have been dead fifteen minutes earlier and Doomsday would have rampaged the globe.

This was, perhaps, the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen in a comic book movie, and I watched both Affleck’s Daredevil and its disastrous semi sequel, Elektra. This was even dumber than the super dogs and Nick Nolte’s performance in the Eric Bana/Ang Lee Hulk. How this ever got out of a writer’s room without derisive humiliation for the writer who suggested this is simply beyond me.

Anyway, I’m a sucker, so I’ll still end up buying this when it comes out on Blu Ray later this year. I’m including a link. All in all, I still liked the movie, even though it has TREMENDOUS problems, and I want to see where this universe goes because I’m a sucker for Superman. But, dear lord please try better next time. PLEASE!!!!!!